"Former Friends and Birth"

I am currently living in New York City. Some people think it's the opportunity of a lifetime, I would trade places with them in an instant. It is a very hard place to live with a little one, and even harder when you are terrified of crowds, small enclosed spaces, and crowded small enclosed spaces. I've had a hard time connecting with people here. We live in 560 square feet and pay over 1300 dollars a month for it (which is a steal). We rely on public transportation, so I have to decide if the outing is worth carrying the stroller up two flights of stairs before I go. I could go on about the down sides.

The upside is, my husband is getting a glorious education, and will be employable when he is done. He is meeting people, and enjoying glimpses into the professional life that he would not be able to get anywhere else. I get to go to art museums, and free concerts in the park, and every once in a while a concert at Carnegie Hall, or a Broadway show.

But, mostly I've been pretty much hating most of my time here. And today I had an epiphany. We were singing O My Father, and my current situation suddenly seemed to be a mirror of a much bigger and scarier move.

We believe that our Heavenly Father called a meeting and told us of his plan to create an earth for us, to send us there so we could be tested and enjoy a mortal life, and return to Him to be like Him. Jesus Christ offered himself up so that we could all return to that heavenly home, and we accepted that plan. We watched as our friends and family left to earth, while waiting for our turn. And, now we are here, enjoying our time on earth, and hopefully striving to return to that heavenly home we left.

My time in New York was presented to me as a plan. My husband was accepted to a great school, and he told me "We'll move to New York, be tested, enjoy our time there, and then we will leave."

So, back to my epiphany. I was singing the second verse, "For a wise and glorious purpose Thou hast placed me here on earth and withheld the recollection of my former friends and birth..." I was swept with gratitude that I could not remember those friends and birth. I knew how I felt about missing my friends and life in the other "normal" places I have lived. I knew that if I remembered my former life in heaven it would be very hard to tolerate this mortality. Sure, it is hard on our faith not to remember those aspects of who and where we came from, but I think it is a blessing that we are allowed to live this life without the memory of how much nicer the other life was.

It has to be that way, because coming to earth is the only way that we can progress. It is the only way that we will be deserving of all the blessings God has in store to give to his children. We have to live like this so we can move on.

I wouldn't want to be stuck working entry level jobs, while trying to balance my family, and dealing with a husband who has to work jobs that don't utilize his talents or interests. I wouldn't want that "comfortable" life that I am so desperately missing for the rest of my life. And that is why we are here.

Agency and our Father's Will

The questions "Why me?", "Why does ____ have it and not me?" or "Why did You let this happen?" often come up when we are discouraged with trials. While these are legitimate questions, I've been thinking about our Father's role in our lives. I've realized two major parts of the plan of salvation: our agency, and the importance of learning our Father's will. It is crucial to have both so that we can learn what we need to while we are here. If Heavenly Father were to make all of our decisions for us, we wouldn't have our agency and couldn't learn from our choices (whether good or bad). On the other hand, if He didn't play a role in our decisions/life than we wouldn't be able to get to know Him and learn about His will. He allows things to happen so we can learn and grow from it, but He definitely is there ready to help us through when we decide that we want to follow His will.
There have been many instances in my life where I have questioned Heavenly Father's will for me and what His plan for me is. I have been down the suicidal path, the severe depression path, the path where I feel like everyone else is doing much better than me, and I have had a lot of time to think about this subject. In fact, it has been a focus of scripture study, ponder and reading for me. I don't know how, but over the last year, my understanding of this concept has greatly increased to where I am grateful for our Heavenly Father and his tender mercies toward me. I have come to understand that the Lord's ways of teaching and leading are perfect and our understanding is very limited. When we desire something, sometimes it is what our Heavenly Father would have us have, and sometimes he has a different lesson in mind. He waits until we are ready for His blessings and then when we decide to seek and follow His will, the blessings overflow. He doesn't change our trials so we can have what we want, rather He helps us through our trials to understand the blessings of His plan and his perfect love for us.
For one example, I have mentioned before that our family went through a real financial trial for a couple months. I felt really frustrated because I felt like we were following the principles of saving and living within our budget and when our supply was next to depleted, I wondered why we needed to go through this trial. As I turned to the Lord and tried to humble myself, I learned that His love for me never left, and he really knew our suffering. The reasons behind the trial were to help us learn more about His will and His plan for our family and to help us prepare for greater lessons to come. Although He didn't take this trial away from us, he gave us tender little mercies to show us that He was aware of us and willing to help us through if we turned to Him. We've learned that His love is perfect and we will never understand how deep that is, which is a major comfort to me.

Do any of you have any stories that have helped you understand the roles that agency and learning our Father's will have in our lives?

The Father of Us All

I am lucky to have fathers in my life who have taken the Father of Us All as their exemplar, so it is easy for me to understand my relationship with God the Father, through comparing that relationship to my relationships with fathers on earth.

There are plenty of examples in the scriptures of God acting as a Father, and I'm sure everyone has the story that best represents their understanding of being a father or their relation to fathers. Please share those scriptures in the comments, I would love to read them.

As for me, I think of John 17:25. Christ has been offering his intercessory prayer and starts to close his prayer. He says " O righteous Father, the world hath not known thee: but I have known thee . . ." My earthly father often comes across as a grumpy, mean man, people who don't know him are often scared of him. But, those who know him know he's like a roasted marshmallow, crusty on the outside, and warm and gooey in the inside. I think we often slip into seeing God the Father the way people who don't really know him see him. Its easy to forget the merciful kindness, and everlasting trust and forgiveness that the Father has as part of his divine personality. It is easy to focus on the stern, keep to the rules aspects of God.

Christ continues to express that the people who were able to get to know him, were able to get to know God the Father. That he was able to share the love of God the Father with them. This makes me think that we, as children of God the Father, can help people get to know Him, or remind them (and ourselves) of the God the Father we know. Like Christ did, we can make sure that our lives act as a reminder to those who have forgotten the Father that we know. He is kind and loving, He wants us to succeed, and feels our pain, and helps us through our trials.

"The Family: A Proclamation to the World"

My stake presidency issued inspired counsel to all the members of my stake to memorize "The Family: A Proclamation to the World." While this may seem like a daunting task, like all other worthy and righteous goals, it yields great rewards!

For me, memorizing the Proclamation allowed me to prove the promise of the words in D&C 121:45, "let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the dews from heaven." When the statements from the Proclamation were continually in my mind, I began to see how often it is quoted or paraphrased in General Conference and other church meetings and publications. I started to recognize its principles being taught through my scripture study, giving me greater insight and knowledge. But one of the most priceless blessings I felt, was in gaining a testimony of the truthfulness of its teachings. Knowledge obtained through the witness of the Holy Spirit is different, stronger than that gained in any other way. Learning by the Spirit not only that these things were true, but why they were true, allowed me to recognize the error of much of the socially accepted theories regarding the family. It bolstered my confidence in the responsibility of rearing children in a world where so many are confused about these eternal principles of gender, marriage, and family.

Why not memorize it yourself, and see what blessings the Lord has in store for you!

A God of Love

I have been thinking about Heavenly Father and His incredible love for each of us. More often than not, if we are trying but we come short, He is more often than not an encourager and not a criticizer. He helps us feel like what we have accomplished is important and our desire to do more is right. By this action, it helps us feel his love and our appreciation helps us to be more motivated to try harder on our own. His love is a perfect love, knowing exactly what we need at what times to help us learn, grow and reach to greater heights. I love my Heavenly Father.